My Porno Work Dress

What the hell happens from my bedroom doorway to the front entrance of my office? Seriously.

I spend a fair amount of time putting myself together–Fixing my hair and makeup, assembling a matching outfit, hunting underneath the bed for just the right belt (yes, I keep my belts underneath the bed).

How is it that after all that I can end up at work looking a complete hot mess sometimes?  I’m not talking, “My hair went a little flat,” mess.  I’m talking, “There suddenly is a large, gaping hole in the crotch area of my pants,” mess.

Yesterday, for example, I left for work in a pretty, little summery dress.  I even matched it up with a stylish, springy pink sweater.  Once I had arrived to work, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror on my way to the water cooler, and I notice that my cute little dress was completely see through.  I played with the material a little–I tried to see whether or not I could stand a certain way to avoid the blatant visibility of my underpants, but my porno work dress just wouldn’t have it.  What a nice surprise for my coworkers, I guess.  (Yeah, not so much).

Or like last week (this example is not quite as scary, by the way), I showed up to work feeling great, only to find that I had painted on about 5 times the recommended amount of blush for a stage performer.  And I couldn’t get it to rub away without making myself even more pink!  Good grief!

I have GOT to get better lighting in my bedroom.

dress

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “My Porno Work Dress

  1. Meg

    Oh my goodness girl, I freaking love it! You should write a book. I read this, laughed hystarically for about 10 minutes, read it again, laughed some more. You’re amazing.

  2. Mama

    pink swimmy suit and uncle derek

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